My boyfriend is trying to control me

I think, you mean dump him, but that's why I am here. I actually LIKE HIM. He is sweet, and kind, and funny ... I don't want to break up with him, how can I change his mind about not being so controlling?

Hi Cat, how are you?

Is this your real name? Would you mind telling a little bit about yourself? How old are you? What do you do? What about your boyfriend?
How is it that he controls you? Maybe, you could give me some example of a situation where it happens? Or, better yet, three examples?

I am Cathy I am 14, just finishing my freshman yeah in high school. He is 15, but we in the same grade. I don't know if controls is really the right word here. He is always very nice and very sweet, it's not like he forces me to do stuff... he is just asking (very nicely), and I am tired of having to say no all the time. He's also got some health problems, and he is often in pain, and that makes it even harder for me, you know, because it is not as hard for me as it is for him. Like for example, he cares a lot about all the LGBT stuff, and he goes to all these marches and meetings, with rainbow flags, and he wants me to go too. But I don't want to, because I don't care about that stuff all that much. I mean I am not homophobic or anything, but it's just not my issue, you know? And he wants me like to go to school with this LGBT button, and I feel really silly doing that, and hypocritic too, because it's like lying that I care, when I really don't. He says that, if we are together then we must care about the same stuff, and I don't think this is actually true at all. Why can't he care about stuff that I don't? 
He also has this cousin that I don't like, and he wants me to hang out with him, and I am like I don't want to, he is annoying, go by yourself. And he says he feels bad hanging out without his girlfriend, like why do I even want to be his girlfriend, if I don't want to hang out. And it's eve worse because he is kinda sick, and it looks like he wants me to go with him because he needs help (he does sometimes), and I am being a bitch

Nice to meet you Cathy, I am Tony

Do you know why he is in pain? What kind of sickness is that?

You should not feel guilty about not doing things he asks, it is not your responsibility, not because he is sick. I can't give an advice, like "dump him", or "don't dump him", that has to be your own decision. But you did the right thing that you wrote here. I think, what you are looking for is not really a relationship advice, but a validation of your view of your own role in that relationship, am I right?

I hereby grant you that validation You are your own person, and have a full right to decide what to wear, where to go, what causes to support ... or who to hang out with. When you are faced with a decision like this next time, just take a deep breath, pause for a second, and recall this phrase I just wrote. You are your own person, the right is yours, the decision is yours. Then you make a decision ... and never regret it.

You know, every decision is "correct", as long as you made it yourself.

Yes, of course! You don't have to share any details you are not comfortable sharing. But knowing some things about you would help come up with a better advice.
People are different, what works for one, does not for another. If the answer to your question didn't depend on your personal details, you could just google it rather than asking if on this board. Now what specifically are the details that make your question different is not easy to tell. But things that come to your mind when you start talking about yourself are probably important. That's why I ask.

Once again, you absolutely don't have to say anything you don't feel comfortable sharing.

I dunno, he told me the name but I forgot. He gets these spasms in his neck and head, like it jerks to the side, and he can't move it back for a while. It hurts a lot too.



Yea, that what I think too. Like I don't mind helping him when he is sick or whatever, but it's like he wants me to think like him. It's too much. He wasn't like that before we went official, I just want to explain to him that's too much for me.